What is Domestic Violence (DV) or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)?

There are many reasons someone may not leave their abuser. Here are a few examples.

Fear of Retaliation

• Victims often fear that leaving their abuser will lead to more severe violence or even death. Abusers frequently threaten to harm the victim, their children, pets, or loved ones if they attempt to leave.

Financial Dependance

• Some victims are financially dependent on their abusers, leaving them with no money, resources, or means to support themselves or their children, which can make the idea of leaving seem impossible.

Lack of Support

• Victims may feel isolated from friends, family, or support networks either because the abuser has cut off all their connections or because they fear judgment or disbelief from others.

Emotional Attachment/Trauma Bond

• Despite the abuse, victims may still feel love or they may be trauma-bonded to their abuser. They may hope that the abuser will change or remember times when their relationship was good. They may hope the abuser will change or remember times when the relationship was good.

Children

• Concerns about how a separation will affect their children, fear of losing custody, or a belief that it is better for children to have both parents.

Cultural or Religious Beliefs

• Cultural norms or religious beliefs may discourage divorce or separation, pressuring victims to stay in the relationship despite the abuse.

Shame or Guilt

• Victims often feel shame or guilt about their situation. They may blame themselves for the abuse or fear of being judged by others for staying in the relationship.

Hope for Change

• Abusers often promise to change or make temporary improvements.

Low Self-Esteem

• Prolonged abuse can erode a victim's self-esteem, leading them to believe they deserve the abuse or that they are incapable of living independently.

Legal and Immigration Issues

• Victims may fear legal repercussions, such as losing custody of their children, or immigration issues if their legal status is tied to their abuser.

Lack of Resource Knowledge or Access

• Lack of knowledge of shelters, legal assistance, counseling, and other resources, or limited resources can make it difficult for victims to live or rebuild their lives.

Manipulation and Gaslighting

• Abusers often manipulate and gaslight their victims, making them doubt their reality, feel confused, or question whether the abuse is real or as bad as it seems.

Stigma and Social Pressure

• The social stigma surrounding domestic violence can make it difficult for victims to reach out for help. Victims may fear being labeled or judged by their community.